Squash This Bug

See this asshole?

That's a squash bug. This is the time of year when these guys mate and lay their stupid eggs on your squash leaves. If you have any squash (pumpkins, zucchini, gourds, etc.) growing in your garden right now, you almost certainly have these assholes fucking on your plants right now. It looks like this:

Then they lay their satan spawn on those same leaves. Luckily, the eggs are easy to spot. They look like this:

So, little orange dots in a little cluster, usually on the underside of a leaf, but sometimes on top.

Your mission is clear. You need to find them and squash them. This is also easy to do. You can even use a tissue if you are squeamish.

If you don't squash them now, they will hatch all over your plants and destroy them. That will look like this:

But in far greater numbers. These assholes are legion. If you don't stop them, they will choke out your squash. Also, they are gross.

So go check your squash leaves and squash those squash bug eggs before they hatch into asshole squash bugs. They are the fucking worst. You're welcome.